...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
