When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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