He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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