i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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