I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize