Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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