Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
