i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do herpes really smell.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
