he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
