i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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