Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
