Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
