Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
