Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
