Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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