I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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