whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
