Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
