I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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