All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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