sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
