I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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