and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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