I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
