im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
