6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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