I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've blown a few things in my day
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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