I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
