I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
