I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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