well you can't waste a boner
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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