I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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