Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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