i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
