K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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