I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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