I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
