I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
