Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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