....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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