in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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