I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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