Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
