I will die if light touches me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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