Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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