Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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