opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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