i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
