I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
