I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
