I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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