Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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