I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
