Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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