i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
