your thong is hanging out like whoa
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
