And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
