you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
