We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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