My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
